Japanese Rarely Says "You"
Textbooks introduce ใใชใ early, but Japanese speakers seldom use it. To refer to the person they are talking to, they use the name with a suffix (็ฐไธญใใ), a title (ๅ ็, ้จ้ท), or nothing at all, since the subject of a sentence is usually left out. ใใชใ between people who know each other sounds distant, and to a superior it is rude; its most natural use today is a wife addressing her husband, or a form on which the reader is "you."
The other second-person words all carry a register:
- ๅ โ to a junior or a close equal; mostly used by men, and by teachers to students.
- ใๅ โ rough and masculine, between close male friends or downward; insulting to anyone else.
- ใใใ โ casual and blunt, more common in western Japan and among older speakers.
- ่ฒดๆง, ใฆใใ โ hostile, the words of a quarrel or a gangster film.
When in doubt, use the person's name with ใใ, or no pronoun at all.
Words for "I"
Japanese has several words for "I," and the choice tells the listener your gender, your age, and how formal you are being.
- ็ง โ the neutral default for everyone in polite speech, and for women in casual speech too. Read ใใใใ, the same kanji is the formal choice for speeches and business.
- ๅ โ used by men and boys; soft and unassuming, acceptable in most settings short of the very formal.
- ไฟบ โ used by men among friends and family; rough and casual, and out of place with customers or superiors.
- ใใใ โ used by women in casual speech.
- ใใก โ casual, mainly used by women and in the Kansai region.
- ่ชๅ โ "oneself"; some men use it as "I," which sounds disciplined, in the manner of sports teams and the military. In Kansai it can also mean "you."
The plurals follow the same pattern: ็งใใก, ๆใ (formal, for a company or a group), ๅใ. Most men switch between two or three of these words during the day, ็ง in a meeting and ไฟบ with friends, and learners should do the same rather than pick one word for all occasions.
Names, Suffixes, and Titles
A name is almost never used bare. It takes a suffix that marks the relationship:
- ใใ โ the default for adults you are not close to, after the family name (ๅฑฑ็ฐใใ) or, among friends, the given name.
- ๆง โ for customers, clients, and the addressee of a letter: ใๅฎขๆง, ็ฐไธญๆง.
- ๅ โ for boys and for men junior to you; teachers use it for students, and offices for junior staff.
- ใกใใ โ for small children, close friends, and family, with a warm and childlike feel: ็พๅฒใกใใ, ใๅ ใกใใ.
- ๅ ็ โ for teachers, doctors, lawyers, politicians, and writers, alone or after the name. Never use it for yourself.
- ๅ ่ผฉ โ someone senior to you in a school, club, or company, used as a form of address; ๅพ่ผฉ names a junior but is not used to address one.
- ้จ้ท, ่ชฒ้ท, ็คพ้ท, ๅบ้ท โ job titles double as names: ้จ้ทใใ้ป่ฉฑใงใ (Boss, there's a call for you).
Using a name with no suffix at all is ๅผใณๆจใฆ. It is normal for family, close friends, and one's own subordinates, and offensive elsewhere. Two rules come from the inside/outside distinction that runs through Japanese: never put ใใ on your own name, and when you speak to outsiders about the people on your side, drop the honorifics โ to a client, your boss Tanaka is ็ฐไธญ, not ็ฐไธญใใ or ็ฐไธญ้จ้ท.
Family Terms: Inside and Outside
Family words come in two sets. One is plain and is used for your own family when you speak to outsiders; the other adds ใ or ใ and ใใ and is used for other people's families. Inside the family, the honorific set is used to address older members, and younger members are called by name.
| Relation | Your own (to outsiders) | Someone else's | Addressing them at home |
|---|---|---|---|
| father | ็ถ | ใ็ถใใ | ใ็ถใใ, ใใ |
| mother | ๆฏ | ใๆฏใใ | ใๆฏใใ, ใใ |
| older brother | ๅ | ใๅ ใใ | ใๅ ใกใใ |
| older sister | ๅง | ใๅงใใ | ใๅงใกใใ |
| younger brother | ๅผ | ๅผใใ | by name |
| younger sister | ๅฆน | ๅฆนใใ | by name |
| grandfather | ็ฅ็ถ | ใใใใใ | ใใใใกใใ |
| grandmother | ็ฅๆฏ | ใใฐใใใ | ใใฐใใกใใ |
| husband | ๅคซ, ไธปไบบ | ใไธปไบบ | by name, ใใชใ, ใใ |
| wife | ๅฆป, ๅฎถๅ | ๅฅฅใใ | by name, ใใ |
| son | ๆฏๅญ | ๆฏๅญใใ | by name |
| daughter | ๅจ | ๅจใใ, ใๅฌขใใ | by name |
| parents | ไธก่ฆช | ใไธก่ฆช | โ |
| children | ๅญไพ | ใๅญใใ | โ |
The viewpoint of the youngest child often rules at home: parents call each other ใ็ถใใ and ใๆฏใใ, and grandparents are ใใใใกใใ and ใใฐใใกใใ to everyone. ไธปไบบ (literally "master") and ๅฎถๅ ("inside the house") are the traditional words for one's spouse; many younger speakers now prefer ๅคซ and ๅฆป.
He, She, and "That Person"
ๅฝผ and ๅฝผๅฅณ mean "he" and "she," but they also mean "boyfriend" and "girlfriend," and they are not used for superiors. In practice, third persons are named the same way as second persons โ ็ฐไธญใใ, ๅ ็, ้จ้ท โ or pointed to:
- ใใฎไบบ โ that person; ใใฎๆน is the polite version.
- ใใกใ โ this person, when introducing someone: ใใกใใฏ็ฐไธญใใใงใ.
- ใใใค, ใใใค โ that guy, this guy; rough, and affectionate only among close friends.
- ่ชฐ / ใฉใชใ / ใฉใกใๆง โ who, in rising order of politeness; ใฉใกใๆงใงใใ is how a receptionist asks your name.
Tips for Learners
- Use names, not pronouns. Name + ใใ is correct in almost every situation where English would say "you" or "he."
- Choose your "I" by the room. ็ง is always safe; add ๅ or ไฟบ (for men) and ใใใ (for women) as your casual register develops.
- Learn both family sets. ็ถ to the outside, ใ็ถใใ to his face and for other people's fathers.
- Watch the inside/outside line. Honorifics and titles come off your own people when you talk to outsiders, and go on other people's.
- Let people tell you. ไฝใจๅผในใฐใใใงใใ (What should I call you?) is a normal and welcome question, and the answer settles the matter. See also The Basic Keigo System and Greetings and Set Phrases.